Dating While Intoxicated
by Dotti3
Summary: When it comes to two irrational and hormonal shinobi, alcohol is the last thing they need. After a drinking contest gets out of hand, the village of Konoha find this out the hard way.


**Chapter 1: **Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer:** Kishimoto owns Naruto. Sadly, I'm not Kishimoto.

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As the apprentice of the slug-sannin, Sakura had learned many things. Most of those things were highly inappropriate and frowned upon, but some of the lessons she had been taught came in handy. For instance, she now had the ability to kick any bad guy's ass, undo the damage, and then resume the process, creating a vicious cycle of pain for whoever was foolish enough to invoke her wrath. Aside from the ass kicking and ass healing she was capable of, she had also learned to hold her liquor.

So it was with much surprise that she found herself in a jail cell partly naked with no recollection as to how she got there. She was even more shocked to discover that she wasn't alone. For slumbering on top of her, in the same condition as herself no less, was Konoha's sexiest shinobi alive; who was groping her.

"Sasuke what the hell!" she screeched like a banshee burning in hell.

* * *

Sasuke had been sleeping rather peacefully. He was literally floating upon a cloud; a silky cloud to be more accurate. It was so soft and pink and creamy and just all sorts of comfy. He snuggled deeper into the cloud and found that for some reason, the cloud smelt like his teammate Sakura. He didn't know why, but he considered that to be another pro for the cloud.

It had some great legs for a cloud too; lean and toned. This cloud was just amazing. Did he mention how shapely it was? Well it had some wickedly awesome, smooth curves. Belatedly he realized that he was pretty much getting frisky with a cloud, but even then, he didn't give a damn. If only this cloud could cook, he would marry it and make fluffy, sharingan-wielding, pink cloud babies.

But like all enjoyable things in his life, Sasuke's time on cloud Nine came to an end when it screamed bloody murder. Hell, bloody Uchiha massacre was more like it. He thought it was rather odd that the cloud sounded just like Sakura.

Through the clearing fog that was his mind, Sasuke realized that clouds couldn't scream and did not possess legs or curves for that matter. This led to the realization that there would be no fluffy, sharingan-wielding, clouds-of-doom offspring. Only after being slapped did Sasuke come to terms with the cloud actually being Sakura.

"Well shit…"

* * *

Even after all the ruckus they had created upon awakening, no one ventured to their cell much to their joint annoyance. That left both confused shinobi to ponder their current situation. They were practically naked, suffering from massive hangovers and locked behind bars. Sadly, neither one of them could remember the events that led to their present predicament.

Just for the sake of doing something, the frustrated pinkette attempted to strike up a conversation with the nearly mute Uchiha across from her. "So what's the last thing you remember?"

"The last thing I remember…," Sasuke drawled in a tone that pissed off his female counterpart, "was you freaking out and screeching in my ear for no reason."

"Pervert," she openly accused, narrowing her eyes, "You were molesting me in my sleep!"

"Hn. I thought you were a cloud," the ravenette tried to explain himself as the barest hint of a blush burnt subtlety on his cheeks. Unfortunately, his defense only succeeded in making him seem like a complete weirdo in Sakura's eyes.

"Seriously?" her face twisted into a disgusted scowl as she crossed her arms and unknowingly accentuated her chest, "A cloud?"

"Jealous?" Sasuke questioned while aiming a smirk at his fellow inmate, which left her blushing brightly. It didn't help the flustered female that the muscled male before her was clad only in his boxer shorts. It also didn't help the cocky Uchiha that the ruffled woman was adorned in noting but her polka-dotted panties and his haori. And damn, he had to admit, she really looked good in his shirt.

Undeterred by her embarrassment, the young kunoichi delivered the next jab of their verbal spar. "Well you have weird tastes and I'm so telling Naruto everything."

At the mention of their mutual best friend, Sasuke scowled. "You're annoying."

Hearing his little pet name for her, she was quick to retaliate. "Well, you're a bastard."

"And you're both in serious trouble," Tsunade's commanding tone cut in flawlessly. Too enraptured in their argument, the young adults had failed to register the approaching presence of the temperamental Hokage. Sakura blamed Sasuke's distracting sexiness for being caught off guard.

"Shishou," Sakura tried to appear presentable under her mentor's gaze as she tore her eyes from Sasuke's chiseled chest, "I can explain."

Tsunade only raised a challenging eyebrow as her student struggled to recall anything from the day before. Luckily, Sasuke intervened to save the day.

"Your apprentice got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me." Not so luckily, saving the day wasn't exactly his forte.

Glaring heatedly, the enraged girl could only sputter in protest. "That's my line!"

"Enough!" the busty blonde bellowed, quite fed up with everything in general, "That's not why you two were detained. Honestly, you can drink until you drown and screw like horny rabbits for all I care."

With some amusement, the slug sannin noted the identical flush of her little prodigy and the last Uchiha. The two hormonal youths really needed to get a room she surmised. "What concerns me," she continued in a serious tone, "is when two of my shinobi go on a drunken rampage and demolish part of the village they've vowed to protect."

The two jail birds could only blink as they failed to comprehend anything. Seeing this, Tsunade could only give a resigned sigh. "You guys don't remember anything do you?"

As they continued to stare blankly further affirming her fears, Tsunade could only bemoan the unfairness. "Figures," she muttered bitterly.

"Just go find that idiot Naruto," she ordered in exasperation, releasing the no-good, naughty ninjas from their cage, "He'll explain everything."

Both Sasuke and Sakura shot each other perplexed looks as they hesitantly shuffled out of their confinement. Honestly, at this point, neither of them really wanted to hear the truth anymore. But as they shot the angered Tsunade weary glances, they determined that they really had no choice in the matter at hand. So like good little toy soldiers, they marched off to complete their current mission.

"Oh and another thing," the leader of Konoha murmured ominously with an evil glint in her hazel eyes, "Report back afterwards. I'll need to issue punishments."

Without further ado, Sasuke and Sakura scampered off to find their missing garments and a certain knucklehead; he had some explaining to do.

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**Author's Note:** I was supposed to work on my other fic Chastity Belt, but I felt myself distracted by this idea. I started this a while back, but then I got sidetracked by other ideas. What can I say? I blame it on my writer's A.D.D baby. Sail! **;D**

So my sing-song silliness aside, what did you think? Feel free to share your opinions and suggestions as I don't bite…unless your magically delicious…then all bets are off. Anyways, please review, because reviews are what inspire me to slave away. You don't need an account and it can be as short as an 'update'. Just please let me know if you wish to see this continued.

**Thank you** for taking the time to read and hopefully enjoy this. I wish you a pleasant night filled with dreams of dancing sugar plums and pink clouds.

**~Until next time, Dotti3**


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